I was diagnosed with a rather severe variety of Rheumatoid Arthritis over 20 years ago.  It's also a very strange form, (Reactive Arthritis,  mixed with Psioratic Arthritis).  After about 4 months of various maladies,   including excrutiating pain in my knees and feet,  my various doctors were able to figure out what I had.  I was prescribed a relatively new drug at the time (Indocin) and I walked in on crutches,  and out on my feet. 

After about another year,  I was in Remission - this often happens,  and can go on forever,  or as little as a few months.  Lucky me,  I was one of those folks that had flareups about every 2 years or less.  When I had flareups,  I had to walk with a walker or cane.  This crazy disease does a lot of other things that you can't predict - for instance I went blind in my left eye for almost a year in 2003 (I know this because the first symptoms were when I took the family to see "Finding Nemo". 

Anyway,  about 8 years ago,  the pain just got to be too much to bear,  and I was prescribed what is probably the most powerful Opiate pain drug available publicly,  Oxycontin.  I started out taking the normal dose of 2 40mg tablets per day.  That didn't really cut if,  so it was increased to 3 a day.  I went along like this for years,  but finally was convinced I needed more of this very seductive drug.  I never purchased Oxycontin on the street or any other way that is illegal,  but I did manage to find ways to take as many as 6-8 a day.  Just so you know,  if you were to take 8 40mg  Oxycontin over the course of a day for the first time,  it would probably stop your heart after about the first 3.  This stuff does relieve pain,  but again,  it's easy to let it get out of control,  and once it's out of control,  you're screwed. 

I had a little chat with my Primary Care Physician about this on the 12th of May,  and we both decided it would be best if I checked into a rehab center,  and stop the madness with the Oxycontn. 

I'll always remember May 14th,  which was literally the worst day of my life.  I had been without Oxycontin for about 8 hours and checked myself into Banner Rehab Hospital here in Scottsdale.  I was starting to go into serious withdrawal after about 2 hours of filling out paperwork,  and talking to medical personnel.  They promised that they had something called Suboxone that would make my withdrawal much more bearable,  and that I would get it soon.  Then they saw the psioriasis on my legs,  and they insisted I go to the ER before being admitted.  The staff kept saying that I would get my meds at the hospital,  which I knew wasn't true.  The hospital, Scottsdale Osborn,  is right next door.  It took almost 11 hours for me to see a Dr.  who said "You've got Psioriasis on your legs,  your good to go".  GREAT - now I'm in the very depths of the most excruciating experience I've ever experienced,  full blown  withdrawal from one of the most  powerful opiates available.  I had been brought there in the Banner van,  but had to be returned in ambulance (the Van wasn't available) and that took over an hour to find an ambulance that was available to take me the short walk to the Rehab Hospital.  The ride took no more than 30 seconds,  what a waste of my insurers money. 

The good news is that the nurse on duty (Steve,  maybe the finest medical professional I have ever dealt with) met me at the ambulance with my "Suboxone and Sleep Cocktail"  and I was out like a light within 20 minutes.  I woke up in the AM feeling a little better,  but still pretty sick.  What I found once I got up and walked around a little was that I was in a small prison like setting,  locked off from the rest of the hospital,  all kinds of measures to prevent suicide,  all of my toys had been locked away,  no crackberry,  no Iphone,  no nothing.  I'm used to having a pretty high degree of freedom,  and this was a little stifling.  Also,  being in this "prison" with all of these heroin junkies,  and others that had been  forced to attend by the court was a little intimidating.  Don't get me wrong,  EVERYONE was friendly,  but having a roomate with tats virtually covering his entire body was in a word weird. 

After 4 days of Suboxone I was really feeling good,  and my family told me that I've not looked so well in many years.  I was released from the rehab hospital,  feeling better than I've ever felt.  I was convinced it was all over - boy was I wrong!  Turns out Subuxone has a half life of about 37 hours,  and I was in full detox again in about 3 days.  It wasn't as bad as May 14th,  but it was BAAAAD.  I talked with my Intensive Outpatient Counselor,  and she said I might not feel well for 30 or more days.  Just great. 

Today is my 23rd day "clean".  I've been working part time (timing couldn't be worse,  we're basically moving our entire operation to a new building,  and I haven't been there to help).  Thank god for working for the govt - I'm covered by the Family Medical Leave Act anyway., just like anyone who works for a larger organization,  but I've been getting paid while out,   which is definitely not required under the act.  Right now I'm dealing with a bad intestinal infection that they think I picked up in the Rehab Hospital (remember lots of junkies who have been living on the streets,  with lots of coughing going on in meetings.)  I'm on Cipro,  which according to Wikipedia is only for "severe or life-threatening bacterial infections."  Hopefully the pain in my head and my stomach will go away shortly. 

The good news is that I've lost 40+ pounds in the process,  pounds I am not going to put back on. 

Enough about me - I'm about as weak a person as anyone,  and I was able to do this,  and am still fighting everyday.  If 1 person can read this and get themselves into rehab or even to start attending AA or NA meetings,  I'll feel this is all worthwhile.  Being clean and sober is hard work,   but it's worth it.  (I haven't had a drink in a long time,  never been a big drinker,  and decided to give it up completely long ago).  I love my NA meetings,  they're great help hearing about others experiences,  and just knowing that if they can do it,  I can do it.  I've met a lot of desperate people in meetings,  that are making it "One Day at a Time".  Please get help,  you'll be glad you did!

Here's my "under 30 days clean" key tag (AA uses poker chips),  I'm very proud of it,  and looking forward to getting my 30 days clean tag next week.